i don't like you. i wish you would go away

why am i so hurt?

i shouldn't be hurt.

i'm supposed to be used to it by now.

i mean, 19 years of getting hurt is a long time.

i'm tired of all the people at school who bug me. i don't want a farewell party. just. stop. bugging. me.

i'm just tired.

perhaps i'm a person who's just fated to be bereft of love. because i'm just so sick of even people who dare call themselves my kin not only backstab, but just outright lie about me. and they believe it.

i'm just sick of being accused of things that i know i'm innocent of. but in a home where there is no peace, justice has no ears, and even a quiet mutter is unheard. there is no righteous judge. and just be reprimanded, set down, for acts that i am not guilty of.

i'm tired of being laughed at, when my goals are not achieved. i'm tired of going for competitions, just to come back empty handed and laughed at. because its reserved for other, better, people. people who deserve such accolades. and i'm just another person who tries hard and gets nothing. maybe its just my fate.

fated to be a laughing stock, not believed. fated to just be the brunt of arguments. to face the worse end of things, even things that are not a reciprocal of my actions.

i really don't understand why i keep on getting this. getting this. getting it again and again. i tried my best not to. i tried my best to smile. but i really can't. i try my best to look into the eyes of people who i don't like. but i can't.

i am not looking forward to spending a month in a place where i cannot even muster a genuine smile.



can i please don't go? they hurt me there.

please don't let me go back.

its just kind of disappointing. sigh. with people working so hard, and people doing nothing but aggravating it...





i kind of wish that i have a normal family. or at least a family that loves me.


but i guess God allows things to happen that no one understands why...





sigh. sometimes i wish that i would be alone here, so that i wouldn't have to fake a cheery voice saying that i'm alright. cos i'm sick of faking to people i don't trust, and don't want people to know otherwise. its my burden to bear.

A levels is so weird.

Like Wayne says, its a freak year. Its not that the papers are tough. It's just weird. And requires more application than anything. In a word, freaky.

Hopefully Chem will do well, my concepts aren't that strong.

Wakakakakekekekekikikikokokokukukuku

Just envisioning this moment next year where I will get my results and it will be good. And it keeps pressing me to just work as hard as I can now. (:

I don't know how some people can make a pristine good thing totally bad o.O;; But I guess I'm somewhat relieved to not be a part of it? Blah. Ok, feel a bit rejected but must stay optimistic this way!!

Chem FTW. I hope the paper 3 will be nice to me tomorrow. It has never been o.O;;

Loi. Loc. I dunno how to go about that o.O;;

Pet shop!! :D 

The more I do, the sooner it ends (= Jiayous J2 peepol. (=

I'm trying not to drink coffee! Be proud of me (=

thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph in His name; thanks be to God who always causes us to win (:

4 years in Singapore. 2 years of JC education. An abstract mesh of emotions, vacillating sadness and joy.

All of it boils down to this final two week battle.

C'mon boys and girls, we can do this (:

Assuming ppl don't read this blog cos hardly anyone comments...And to ppl who actually read the blog, it won't affect you...

Papers finished: (Cos I can't keep track anymore)

Chemistry
2006
2007
2008
AJC
ACJC (Before Prelim)
JJC
NJC
NYJC
PJC (Mock Exam)
RJC
SAJC
SRJC
TJC (look through only cos dun have answer key)
YJC

Havent done:
CJC
DHS
HCI
MJC
TPJC
VJC



Maths:
Done:
2007
2008
ACJC
JJC
NJC
TPJC


Lol ok looks like need to focus on maths alr (=

maths mock got a C!! this is so encouraging (=

I don't need to justify my thoughts and my actions, when i know with conviction that i am doing what is best for me.

so keep your opinions to yourself and whoever is interested. cos i'm not.



my finger's bleeding. hopefully can still press GC (:


happy 4th anniversary batch 7 (:

i don't see a need to justify myself to you, when in fact i know with conviction what i'm doing is right.

keep your opinions to whoever is willing to listen. because i'm not. there is no demand.


oh. my finger is bleeding.

I won't let you steal away the victory that is mine to claim (:

Dear whoever,

I'm tired.

somehow i think that if i died no one would really notice that im gone

there are so many things that i need to do.

sometimes i wish i could just dig a hole and die.

Is this what you have called me to be?

I pray that You will sustain me throughout these trials.

I think JC education makes people insensitive to failure. You just get it so often.